Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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