Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
