i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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