Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
