3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's blow job season.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
