Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
