I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
