make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
