atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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