Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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