I wish I could teleport
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize