Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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