i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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