I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
