guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
