If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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