Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
