70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
