Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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