your thong is hanging out like whoa
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
