Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
