ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
