apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize