I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
