I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
