FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
