Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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