Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
