playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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