Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
