It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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