I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
