I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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