just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
