Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
