Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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