I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the condom got lost in my hair
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
