i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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