Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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