so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
