The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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