I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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