I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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