PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
