the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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