Welp...herpes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
