I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Vodka?
Forever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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