she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
