u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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