I just threw up on my dentist
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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