He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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