She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
