he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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