i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
