She is in my trunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
