remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
