Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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