I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
