i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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