I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
