I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
