is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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