i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
