This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
