she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
