Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drunk is a universal language darling
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
