i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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