I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
