jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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