return my video game
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
