he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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