i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
