DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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