so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
