i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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