I have demons in me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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