I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
