I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
