Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
